Quiet in My Town

Maybe it's not the things we didn't do.
Maybe it's not the choices we did not choose.
Maybe it's not what we could not do.

Or maybe it is.

Death is a funny thing. I've had a few distant "great" relatives die when I was younger, but never has it hit home quite the same. Today my dog of 9 years died. It's upsetting and unsettling when someone or something you've grown to know so well just up and... leaves your life. I will never see her in the mornings when I wake up, I will never again experience her slobbery tongue all over my face, and I will no longer get to yell at her when she eats my food off my plate. Even the bad things, I miss. I already miss it, and I know it'll get worse before it gets better. I'm able to squeeze it from my mind every few minutes, but then I'll think back to watching her on the vet's table... her lifelessness... petting her and not feeling her heartbeat... her rising and sinking chest. But I know she was in pain. And I know it was her time to go.

Before she passed away, I was thinking the other night about all the things, even as a dog, that she never got to do. She never had puppies or went to the metroparks and got to run around a yard freely with no leash. I started feeling like maybe I hadn't loved her enough either. That's when I had my moment. Life's not about those moments, those things, those regrets. We can never help from thinking about them, but we cannot let it consume us. Life's about those beautiful moments. But life's also about the hardships and the pain and the agony and the struggle of it all. If I asked Miley/Hannah, she would say "it's the climb". It's everything.
It's the good, it's the bad, everything about life is simply... remarkable. So we have to embrace the pain along with the joy. It's not about what we didn't do, because our lives were beautiful enough without them, weren't they? We smiled all we could, and we cried all the same, but it's all the part of life that brings you to that final moment, where you can say, "man, what a ride".

So I'm sad about losing my dog so soon (or so it seemed), and yes I'll miss her furry little body barreling towards me when I get home, but I feel more than blessed to have had the time I had with her. She was a sweet dog and a great playmate, and I thank God for having her for as long as I did. It's her time to rest now, where there's no pain or sorrow. In the big park in the sky. =)

I know that this all happened for a reason, and I know it's almost right to be sad, and I now that there's a season for everything. But I won't blame God or shake my fist in anger... because I know that when I too am lying there in my deathbed... I'll be thanking God for the opportunities I had. The sad and the happy, because in the end, that's what it's all about. That's what makes us appreciate the happy in our lives; the sad times and the tears. And I'm more grateful than ever for my life... even though I have to go through it without my Muffin anymore.




-Kaitlyn