To everyone who has ever had their heart broken:
I may not know you personally. I may not know your story. And I surely can’t feel the pain that you feel. But regardless of any of that, these words are for you. May they inspire you, uplift you, evoke feelings within you, or do what they have to do.
If you say you’ve never had your heart broken or had your feelings hurt, you are a liar. That’s right, you are lying. We all have, right? No matter how little, how big, how mediocre it seems, it was big enough to break you, so it must be something. You failed your math test. Your teacher hates you. Your father beats you. The girl you like doesn’t like you back, and now you can’t even be friends. You have no friends. Everyone hates you. We all have our moments, we all have our breaking points. Sometimes it’s too much to handle. Sometimes people call us over-dramatic. We walk our school hallways, we walk down our streets, we go to our dreary jobs, and we wonder, and we wait, for SOMEONE to notice. For someone to care. Will this pain ever end? Will this history stop repeating? Or worse, will our lives just ever cease to be...and will anyone care when we are gone.
I cannot claim that I don’t have these feelings myself. I go through rough times. Maybe not as rough as you, but they feel hard. I get upset, I get downtrodden. I feel there is no hope sometimes and will please someone just CARE for one moment, please. Sometimes I lie awake at night, same as you, wondering will this pain ever stop. Why am I being dragged through this valley with no end in sight? Why why why?
It will never make sense to me why God does what He does. I suppose that’s what makes Him God and me human. I don’t understand. And this irregular heartbeat that keeps me up at night will never make sense to me. As I write these words, I still feel sometimes hopelessly lost. I don’t see the end, and I can’t tell how this began. I don’t know the answers to all our questions. I can’t tell you why it hurts so bad and I can’t tell you the pains you experienced will be fine in due time. That you’ll be fine. Some hurts, they can’t always heal totally. It will not always be fine. You cannot cover everything up with a smile and hope for the best. Sometimes, we must be messes. Yes, coming from a world of shut your mouths and be civil and perfect, will ya, I am saying, be a mess. Let it out. For once, don’t hold back. Scream, hit a pillow, cry your eyes out till you have nothing left in your body and every inch of your body shakes. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it. For your sake, get messy, and pour it all out. You cannot restore a broken vase when you keep trying to pour water in it. You empty it out, and you fix it then.
When you are broken down, when you are lying with no more energy in your body at all, when you cannot pick up yourself at all, and are on your knees, you are in the most perfect and beautiful position ever. You are desperate you are hungry and thirsty for something more. You are at that point, where you need something the most that won’t leave you empty all the time. It is not drugs. It is not sex. It is not money. It is not a girl. It is not a boy. It is not acceptance among peers. It’s God.
Say what you want, shake me off, tell me I’m wrong, or just scoff in disgust right now. That’s okay. You can have your own opinion. Think for yourself, that’s good. I’m not trying to be offensive, I’m just being real... this is what works for me. What do you have to lose? From my perspective, I found the world to gain. I tried other things... I tried to go it alone. Who needs God right? I’m fine by myself. It’s my life. I control my destiny, correct? It didn’t work so well. It still doesn’t, on the occasion when I try to control my own destiny. When I control myself, I go towards things I want, not things I need. I lean to what will get me by for the moment, cause the rest doesn’t matter. Without God, I have no purpose. Why do I live another day to just end it dully with no hope to live for? It’s just a life. It was brought into the world unknowingly as just a way to make two people happy or something of the sort, and it can easily be taken out.
But what if life wasn’t just... to exist? What if I, what if you, what if all of us, were uniquely designed and crafted perfectly for a purpose in this world? What if the same Being who made the universe cared enough to come make you, an insignificant speck on the face of a massive world, just because He thought you were worth it. Whoa. You mean something to the same guy who made the whole big fat gillion mile universe? Well now that just might add a lot of weight to your life. You are not nothing you are a gorgeous creation. You are no mistake, no oops, no pile of crap, no worthless person, you are special. You have purpose and meaning, and to fully grasp that is something that we can scarcely take in.
For all of you out there that are broken hearted, for those with no hope, with no desire to live on, I get it. I have been there. Life is hard, and too much to bear sometimes. But there is hope, there is rescue. In the words of David Crowder:
"And there’s nothing wrong with you
And nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe
Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming now"
Don’t give up now. You have purpose, you have meaning, and if you made it this far, you have endurance. God has a plan for you. So pour yourself out and let Him wash you clean and start anew.
"But I will call on God,
and the LORD will rescue me.
Morning, noon, and night
I cry out in my distress,
and the LORD hears my voice.
He ransoms me and keeps me safe
from the battle waged against me,
though many still oppose me.
God, who has ruled forever,
will hear me and humble me."
Psalm 55:16-19
This goes out to everyone who’s ever had their heart broken. If you made it this far, message me, leave me a comment, anything. Go ahead. We can talk about this. You can tell me I’m wrong. I don’t mind at all. Let’s just talk about this.
I may not know who you are, and why you are hurting, but everyone who is broken, you are on my mind and heart everyday at least once.
-Kaitlyn
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